The Cool Fat Chick

So I went to counseling on Friday and my therapist believes that I have become "lost" in my "cool fat girl" persona and because of that I cannot lose the rest of my weight. Because if I were thin, who would I be? So I started thinking about it and perhaps she is right. I have always been the funny fat girl who has no problem making fun of myself, what would I be funny about if I lost all my weight? On Wednesday she is going to do some hypnosis therapy with me to help me release the weight, I am curious to see if it works or not.

She also pointed out to me that I don't have very many nice things to say about myself. At first I thought she was crazy for saying that but now that she has brought it to my attention she is right. I am really good at pointing out all my flaws and I say them to myself every day. That's not good, so I am going to work on that as well.

It's a lot of work...

My husband and I started marriage counseling a couple of weeks ago, and so far things seem to be going well. Our first session we did together and that went horrible. All we did was yell and scream at each other but once we got home we had a great conversation and got everything out without yelling and made head way. I finally confessed to him that I had stepped out on him once. I didn't sleep with the guy but I did more than a married woman should have. My husband already had suspisions but he didn't have solid proof. He is having a hard time dealing with it but we are doing our best to work thru it. He is doesn't trust me of course and can't get over the fact that I lied to him several times when he asked me about it. But at least he is willing to work this out and not just leave me.

For me, if the tables were turned I wouldn't be like my husband. I know that it is human nature to be attracted to other people. I know that we all make mistakes. So for me I expect him to cheat on me sometime during our marriage so I am already prepared for it I guess. He never thought I would do something like this to him, so he is destroyed. What I did was shitty, I am not going to deny that. I am not even sure why I did it.

I guess I was looking to feel wanted and desired and that is something my husband just doesn't do anymore. I realize we have been together for almost four years so I am sure he is bored of having sex with me so I guess I am going to have to find a way to spice things up or something. So far things do seem to be getting better though so hopefully he and I will make it. I really don't want to divorce him. I love him more than anything, I just had a moment of selfishness.